“The unexamined life is not worth living.”
Socrates
How big is your gap? Between where you are and where you would like to be? Or where your close family or co-workers would like you to be?
In this post, we are starting our 40 Weeks of Increase around the Circles of Renewal and Restoration. We are starting in our blue circle—representing our soul—mind, will and emotions. Our first self-mastery skill is self-awareness.
Self-awareness is the ability to see yourself clearly and objectively through reflection and introspection.
positivepscyhology.com
Self-awareness is in itself a skill that is health promoting. It will help build the remaining 19 skills in our Circles model. Scientific studies have shown positive effects on the immune system, gene telomeres, cardiovascular system, and brain integration.
We can think of self-awareness in several dimensions or depths. Here we will only scratch the surface.
Strengths and weaknesses
First, we want to be aware of our strengths and weaknesses. There are lots of assessment tools and personality questionnaires to help you learn about yourself (e.g. Myers Briggs, CliftonStrengths (formerly StrengthsFinder 2.0), DISCinsights, Working Genius, and so on).
Since there are many to choose from, you might seek help from a mentor or coach for which one suits your situation best. We do have a certified Myers Briggs consultants on our team, so please contact us for help.
Poorly met needs
Secondly, you can examine which of your 4 core areas of human needs are imbalanced? You could have either undermet or ignored needs, or excessive attention to one area to the detriment of the other areas.
This illustration is an example of a person obsessed with body image, likely with a lot of attention to fitness and eating well—all good—but likely at the expense of their mental, spiritual and relational needs. The best and most resilient life is a balanced one with overlap in the middle—a sign of “integration” and “wholeness.”
How emotionally mature am I?
A third self-awareness question to ask yourself is: How emotionally mature am I? Infant, child, adolescent, or mature adult?
While you may be a physical adult, emotionally it is possible to be an infant, child, teen or adult. Here is a guide to help you identify your maturity level. This is not about being “better” than another; we are all on this journey. Being aware will help us see where to grow next.
Many people, particularly with unmet core needs in childhood, or frank abuse, become arrested in emotional infancy or childhood. But thankfully, healing of those childhood scars is effective in overcoming emotional stagnation. Ask for therapy to overcome these losses.
Those same losses or traumas from childhood are known to be the root cause of a great deal of adult suffering, from addictions, to mental health challenges, and chronic pain.
Being aware of your emotions
A fourth and deeper self-awareness habit is to look at your inner emotional state. Pete Scazzero in Emotionally Healthy Relationships calls this “Exploring the Iceberg.” We often portray a happy state to others (the tip of the iceberg above water) while we have stewing emotions such as anger, fear, sadness, guilt or shame below the waterline.
Think of your emotional state as a balance or teeter totter with painful emotions on the left side, and your more positive emotions on the right. As we have previously seen, the right sided emotions will fill your “joy bucket” and help nurture resilience and love.
If the left-sided emotions predominate most days, your mood is likely to be low, and you will experience distress. And fear.
What are your predominant emotions? Which side of the emotional balance predominates? Are you an angry person? Fearful and anxious? Do you feel hopelessly inadequate and flawed? An emotional balance stuck down is the source of much mental and physical illness through a perpetual state of “fight or flight.”
By becoming more aware of your “under water” emotions, they become available so that you can evaluate their cause and to process them. We say, “Name it, to tame it.”
“We grow in self-awareness because we cannot change that of which we remain unaware.”
Pete Scazzerro, Emotionally Healthy Discipleship
A couple of questions to help you explore your own iceberg:
- What am I angry about?
- What am I sad about?
- What am I anxious about?
- What am I glad about?
Being aware of your strengths and weaknesses, and the emotions that predominate your life, will help you choose skills and habits around the Circle to work on.
People with significant trauma or losses will have limited self-awareness skill. And it can be painful to go there. Some of us have shut the door on our feelings and put on the mask that says, “All is well,” when it really isn’t.
As you will learn, it is essential to develop this foundational skill. Be kind to yourself as you begin this journey of self discovery and growth.
Join us in 2 weeks as we examine the evidence from research on the health benefits of faith.
Compassionately,
