“The opposite of addiction is connection.”
Johann Hari, author of Chasing the Scream
All addictions, whether to substances, or to behaviours such as gambling or gaming or sex, develop as coping strategies to soothe and alleviate distress. That distress can be experienced physically as bodily pain, or psychologically as inner pain. And it’s almost always due to lost or troubled connections of significant relationships beginning in early childhood. From a lack of love and affirmation, to frank abuse or neglect.
And the results can be devastating to individuals, families and society. The opioid crisis has garnered the most media attention, having reduced life expectancy in both the US and British Columbia. But there are new habits and behaviours that may have even a bigger global impact.
Canadian addiction expert, Dr. Gabor Maté, puts it this way in the new introduction of his well-known book, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts:
“There are no new disorders here, only new targets for the universal and age-old addiction process, new forms of escape. The mind and brain processes are the same in all addictions, no matter what form, as is the psycho-spiritual emptiness that resides at the core.”
Gabor Maté
New targets. Like the Internet, social media, smart phones, gaming. And lots of age old targets like alcohol, drugs, caffeinated soft drinks, cigarettes, food, shopping, gambling, on and on.
What is addiction?
Wikipedia has a pretty good, succinct definition of addiction: Addiction is a biopsychosocial disorder characterized by compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli despite adverse consequences.
The two hallmarks are that it is 1) compulsive and uncontrolled, 2) damaging to one’s health, relationships and well-being.
If it is a substance that offers the rewarding stimulus, health professionals call it substance use disorder. This is illustrated in the following image:
Substances like the opioids heroin or morphine, or alcohol, lead to tolerance where the body begins to crave higher doses for the same effect. This in turn leads to physiological dependence and withdrawal symptoms when the substance is suddenly stopped.
The addiction cycle
Most readers have probably heard of the addiction cycle. A trigger leads to craving, which ends in the “drug” of choice, followed by guilt that only causes an even bigger trigger.
We can now add our metaphorical “Joy Bucket” into an enhanced version of the cycle. The joy bucket on the left of our cycle has a hole in the bottom, illustrative of childhood trauma. The four core areas of human need are deficient from both a “leak” or inadequate filling from the top, especially unconditional love and affirmation.
Often starting prenatally and infancy, a child’s basic needs for nurturing are not met. Not enough gentle touch, not enough ”babyese” baby talk, no eye contact. An unpredictable environment where either parents or caregivers may be verbally or physically abusive. This causes the infant brain to develop a hypervigilant state, filled with fear. Ultimately this leads to anger (which the infant will likely express as crying or a tantrum), only to experience more frustration due to lack of the parent’s ability to soothe him or her. Here an infant may develop self-soothing habits like thumb sucking or rocking.
The empty bucket, representative of the brain’s joy centre, leads to the pain-filled emotional state illustrated by the teeter-totter balance to the left. Here the dis-ease is the emotional trigger of the first illustration.
The predominant emotions that take root in the infant are anger, fear and sadness, then frequently followed in later childhood and the teen years with guilt and shame. Now the infant’s self-soothing strategies are likely to morph into other behaviours or substances. Going back to our diagram, the choices made lead to actions to numb the pain. And the numbing behaviour or substance in turn only empties the joy bucket even more. And in turn, more guilt and shame, heaped on the anger, fear and sadness.
The consequences of this unbroken cycle can be devastating. Because the action choices become uncontrolled, they drain and drain the “joy bucket” to the last drop, with physical, mental, relational and spiritual consequences.
The addicted brain develops well-worm neural pathways that simply reinforce the addictive habits. Neurons that fire together, wire together. What you focus on, grows. Craving grows with each round of the cycle.
“The circumstances that promote despair—and potentially therefore addiction—are, with each decade, more and more entrenched in the industrialized world, from the East to the West: more isolation and loneliness, less communal contact, more stress, more economic insecurity, more inequality, more fear and, ultimately, more pressure on and less support for young parents.”
Dr. Gabor Maté
Breaking the cycle
12 Step programs began with Alcoholics Anonymous in 1935. Here is the link to the classic 12 steps.
The first, and most significant step in breaking the cycle of addiction is to admit one’s need. Sometimes it takes the end of one’s rope to get there.
If you are there, don’t try it alone. You really do need strength from on High. We at IHTC are here to help. Reach out. We can also put you in touch with Celebrate Recovery, a 12 step program that is aligned with our values.
Figure 4 illustrates the antidotes that Celebrate Recovery offers to break the addiction cycle:
- The answer to anger is forgiveness
- The answer to fear is faith and trust
- The answer to sadness is to grieve well
- The answer to guilt is repentance
- The answer to shame to finding one’s true identity
Figure 5 below is the thrive cycle which WILL replace your addiction cycle. There is not a single addiction cycle that cannot be broken.
Here the empty “joy bucket” is now full. The pain filled emotional state is replaced with a healthier, joy-filled, state. Choices for a healthy lifestyle are easier, further filling the bucket. And the overflow can serve others.
To maintain the “thrive cycle” – regularly visit the Circles of Growth and Renewal.
Here is a great post by author, leadership expert and podcaster Carey Nieuwhof entitled Self-Care or Self-Medication: Which Path Are You On?
Compassionately,
